Category: Let's talk
this is something i've been wondering for a long time...since i was in high school actually, and i wanted other people's thoughts about it. why is it that when some people are sad, having a bad day, or are just feeling down, others tend to run to them and ask if they're okay, do they want to talk etc, and when others have the same problems, it's "oh just suck it up, you'll be fine". why is it that some people are meant to be "stronger" than others, because that's how they seem, and if they have a bad day or whatever, noone bothers to see if they're alright. i'm not talking about thoes who do it for attention, but people who are genuinly having problems, and who really could use a friend or even just someone to listen to them. i've seen this happen with people in my own life, and was just wanting thoughts about it, and if anyone else has seen this happen.
Well liz, this may not answer your question, but I have some friends who, when they're having a bad day, need a hug or a shoulder, and I try to give them that. However, some of my friends don't need that, they need to be told to suck it up. they need that jolt to get over it, it helps them concentrate less on their problem. Also, sometimes, people will say something like that to get the person mad at them, if you are mad at someone, its hard to be sad. Sometimes that is a sacrifice a friend will be willing to make. Hope that answers your question.
Cody, it sort of does a bit. i've seen situations that no matter what happened, be it a death in the family, or something just as sad, the people going through the bad day or sadness were just simply told to just deal and stop being babies, because it's not like them to be this way.
it really depends on whats going on. it sometimes is good to have great friends around who really care about you. sorry if that makes partly since heh. sometimes in big situations its hard say suck it up because it might be something that could bother them and that it could be need someone to talk about and see what they could do.
I'd only tell a person to suck it up if they were all choked up about some trivial matter. I wouldn't tell them to "Suck it up," I'd paraphrase it. But in situations that called for berievement, I would give the person the best advice I could.
There are also people who would just rather be left alone when they are angry or irritated.
Some people are stronger than others because they deal with their problems productively. Instead of continuously crying and complaining, they try to make the best of their situations and drain anything good they can from any circumstance.
Well if my friends are sad or having problems, then I do ask them what's wrong and I am there for them if they need to talk or whatever. I have a few friends who do that for me as well. However, sometimes I don't mind being told to just get over it, especially if whatever is going on with me isn't all that big of a deal. So I can say, I'm happy with both, but to me, it really does depend on the situation.
It can depend on the person's personality, the problem, and how they choose to deal with it.
I don't think I would want to make a friend angry at me, especially if they're already upset about something, but that's just me.
If a friend just lost someone they cared about, I def would not tell them to suck it up!
If the person in question always seems sad/down, it can become a bit of a burden to others, but everyone is certainly entitled to a good wallow once in a while I suppose.
I am the type of person who rarely cries. Yesterday at my dad's burial at arlington Cemetery i broke down and people were in shock. It was totally out of character. I rarely tell someone to suck it up. Good grief. No one can gauge a person's problems, experiences, or coping abilities. The only time I do cick someone in the butt figuratively is if they are constantly maunding and moaning. I tell them I'm concerned that they seem very depressed and maybe they need to get some help.
to post 7, i wasn't necesarily talking about people who always seem down or sad. more like people who are like post 8, or thoes who seem like they are stronger than they really are...the ones who always ask if they can help others, but when they need it, are just told to deal with it, cause it's assumed they will, and it's not like them to want or need someone to talk to, or a sholder to cry on. i do agree with whoever said it, some people just like to be left alone, but i think it's nice to kno that if someone is in genuin pain, or is not acting like themselves, that the offer at least be made to the person though.
I think we need different kinds of support from different people in different situations. Sure there are times we need the shoulder, or someone to give us advice that we'd likely give if the shoe was on the other foot, and then there are the times when all you need is the company of a friend, a friend who most often makes you smile and laugh, a friend who's general conversation lifts you and takes your mind off the problem. but also remember, not everyone is capable of giving you the support you require, or sometimes understanding that what they can offer is perfectly adequate even when they believe they aren't the person to help.
I think what I'm about to say has already been offered here. I guess the reason why people behave so inconsiderately towards those who seem to be so strong is because they hardly ever need that kind of support, if ever, so naturally people aren't sure how to handle it when they see a sign of weakness. The knowledge of their strength overshadows their pain and people don't hope but expect them to, "suck it up and get over it." I've seen it happen with my mom. Always willing to help those in need and probably has the most crap to deal with in my fam but when she breaks down or is overwelmed its like they get angry about it. Humans.
I've never really seen this happen, except in the death of a pet or service animal. I've actually heard people say to those who've just lost an animal "oh, it's just a dog. Get over it" or "it'll be okay. Just get another one." I often find myself wanting to smack them in the face with a reality check. I don't care if it's a gold fish. Love is love and death is death, and I'd offer my condolences, if I saw that the person was really upset, and try to help them. Indeed, there are those who need to be left alone when they're angry/sad, but sometimes, people who don't really show emotion are really hurrying inside and need that shoulder to cry on or that person in whom they could confide. I think the best thing to do is test the waters. Offer friendly words and see how they react. If it's clear that they don't really want to talk, then it's probably best to leave them alone or to talk about other things to try and cheer them if possible as Blackbird said. But if they open up, the best thing to do is to listen and provide what comfort you can. I'm not sure why some people seem to not care about such things, but my hunch is that it's just the way of the world today. Everything is so fast-paced and I think, many times, people forget how to treat one another. Then, there are those people who honestly don't know what to do, either because they weren't brought up with love and emotion or because they feel awquard. Sometimes, they might come from a generation when it wasn't acceptable to show emotion or to really be there for a friend. This is especially true for men with the whole nonsense about crying making them look like sissies. Again, these are just my opinions, so they could be wrong. As for me, I always try to be there for my friends. But I do draw the line between someone who really needs help and someone who cries and has a bad day cause the weather is bad and their hair is a mess etc. I usually try to stay away from those who cause drama and are always out of it.